1.  What is the most dangerous thing in a combat zone?
An officer with a map.

2.  Reporter: "How did you win the Distinguished Service Cross?"
Soldier: "I saved the lives of my entire regiment."
Reporter: "How?"
Soldier: "I shot the cook."

3. Drill Sergeant to Private: "When you're discharged from the Army, you'll probably wait for me to die, just to spit on my grave."
Private: "No, when I get out of the Army I never want to stand in line again."

4.  Why do short RTOs have long whips on their radios?
So someone can find them when they step in deep water.

5.  A retired sergeant was asked: “Well, how do you like civilian life?”
Sergeant: "Terrible! All these people around and nobody in charge!”

6.  What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
Call out, "B-52."

7.  How many enemy soldiers does it take to launch a Scud missile?
Two. One to launch it and one to watch CNN to see where it landed.

8.  A trooper asks a sergeant: "Did man really descend from a monkey?"
Sergeant: "Troopers did. But not sergeants."

9.  A general phones a colonel and asks "Do you have a few smart majors?"
Colonel:"Yes."
General: "Send them to me. I need furniture movers."

10.  Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Try again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"